Uh... no?
Hurting people is wrong. Pain is bad and ouchy. Nobody would ever want to be hurt during sex. If you feel like doing that to somebody, it would be a very dark secret that you only told therapists or very trusted friends, who might forgive you for having this very black fantasy that you'd never acted upon.
...well, okay, actually, that's not the whole truth and there are some people who are into being hurt, including apparently this Merrin person, but that is even more of a secret. You do not get to tell your closest friends about that part; they wouldn't want to hear. You wouldn't go around telling people that any more than you'd blurt out the names of Outer Gods in public.