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"Would you say the foremost issue is, (1), you don't know how to describe who you are to Ramona, (2), that you're having trouble figuring out how to interface with Ramona's own expectations about gendertropes, or, (3), that your society lacking any gendertropes that at all appeal to you, you haven't figured out yet who you, yourself, are or want to be?"

Version: 2
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"Would you say the foremost issue is that, (1), you don't know how to describe who you are to Ramona, (2), you're having trouble figuring out how to interface with Ramona's own expectations about gendertropes, or, (3), since your society lacks any gendertropes that at all appeal to you, you haven't figured out yet who you, yourself, are or want to be?"