"I have also not proven very good at coming up with precise, carefully constructed measures which my minions in turn cannot figure out how to defeat. There was, for example, that time when I believed that the solution to our ongoing cobra problem was to measure success in dead cobras, and neglected to consider that using my lab equipment to clone cobras was a faster way for a minion to apparently achieve this goal."
"If your advanced interdimensional secretarial powers enable you to understand what I actually mean, however, then I think I shall be happy enough when my minions are smiling and productive, when my soldiers are as triumphant as could be expected given the forces arrayed against them, when my workers are profitable, and when the people in my city are not rioting. Please do not take this set of requests as an invitation to administer drugs to my minions that place their faces in permanent smiling rictuses, like my last secretary."