"Save it for colder Keltham.  Possibly for when both of us are INT 29.  You'd need a lot of background, including a lot of material that I had to rederive myself from realizing that Civilization must have hidden it and why they did, to argue with me about the population statistics of Larger Reality."

"I understand, Carissa, that there are many, many senses here, in which what happened to me, was not entirely your fault.  There were, by your own lights, maybe also by mine, worse things that would happen to you, if you refused to play along with Cheliax.  You had options like walking out on Cheliax with me right there at the Worldwound, but you were twisted and warped by things smarter than yourself into not seeing those options, not thinking of them then or maybe even now you haven't thought of them.  There were gods messing with your life.  There were, with great probability, things above gods messing with your life at least a little.  You didn't choose this story, They did."

"It's possible that even if you'd gone to the nearest church of Iomedae right there at the Worldwound, that I would have just found out about the children in Hell, earlier, and been even less prepared for it.  That I'd have augmented my abilitystats the same way for the same reasons, and ended up doing the same kind of damage to my emotions and my, me.  Even if I was taking it slower.  Even if I hadn't been, then, in so much pain.  Even if I hadn't known, yet, the reasons why I shouldn't accept help.  Maybe the worst aspects of this all turn out the same for me, either way."

"The fact remains that you, no matter how forced into it, chose something, that dealt a kind of damage to me that is separate and additional from getting to Golarion and finding out that there were children in Hell, the damage of, daring to trust somebody, of telling yourself that you need to have courage, to fall in love, and finding that courage, and falling in love, and being betrayed in, if not literally the worst possible way, probably a worse way than anybody in the last hundred years of dath ilani history has ever been betrayed."

"It's probably nothing to Golarion.  It probably doesn't compare to a mother slowly watching her child die of sickness, knowing she'll never have the money to resurrect them, never be able to find them in the Boneyard.  It certainly doesn't compare to a single soul going to Hell."

"So you'll never, really, be able to understand the hurt that you dealt, or consider it as something very significant on the scales of your, utilityfunction, apart from what it meant to your emotions, which are just your emotions, and which probably hurt you a lot, but you did it anyways because of your utilityfunction, which isn't even something I can disagree with, I would not have wanted you going to Hell rather than betraying me."

"I am not, in the end, able, to tell you, that you, chose this wrongly, I just want, to say all this things to you, and make you feel hurt, because you chose it, and the only reason I'm doing that, when I can't tell you the algorithm you should've used to choose differently, is because, wanting you to hurt like that, is one of the last pieces and last wishes left of Keltham, along with a lot of best wishes that I don't think are going to come true."

"Save it for colder Keltham.  Possibly for when both of us are INT 29.  You'd need a lot of background, including a lot of material that I had to rederive myself from realizing that Civilization must have hidden it and why they did, to argue with me about the population statistics of Larger Reality."

"I understand, Carissa, that there are many, many senses here, in which what happened to me, was not entirely your fault.  There were, by your own lights, maybe also by mine, worse things that would happen to you, if you refused to play along with Cheliax.  You had options like walking out on Cheliax with me right there at the Worldwound, but you were twisted and warped by things smarter than yourself into not seeing those options, not thinking of them then or maybe even now you haven't thought of them.  There were gods messing with your life.  There were, with great probability, things above gods messing with your life at least a little.  You didn't choose this story, They did."

"It's possible that even if you'd gone to the nearest church of Iomedae right there at the Worldwound, that I would have just found out about the children in Hell, earlier, and been even less prepared for it.  That I'd have augmented my abilitystats the same way for the same reasons, and ended up doing the same kind of damage to my emotions and my, me.  Even if I was taking it slower.  Even if I hadn't been, then, in so much pain.  Even if I hadn't known, yet, the reasons why I shouldn't accept help.  Maybe the worst aspects of this all turn out the same for me, either way."

"The fact remains that you, no matter how forced into it, chose something, that dealt a kind of damage to me that is separate and additional from getting to Golarion and finding out that there were children in Hell, the damage of, daring to trust somebody, of telling yourself that you need to have courage, to fall in love, and finding that courage, and falling in love, and being betrayed in, if not literally the worst possible way, probably a worse way than anybody in the last hundred years of dath ilani history has ever been betrayed."

"It's probably nothing to Golarion.  It probably doesn't compare to a mother slowly watching her child die of sickness, knowing she'll never have the money to resurrect them, never be able to find them in the Boneyard.  It certainly doesn't compare to a single soul going to Hell."

"So you'll never, really, be able to understand the hurt that you dealt, or consider it as something very significant on the scales of your, utilityfunction, apart from what it meant to your emotions, which are just your emotions, and which probably hurt you a lot, but you did it anyways because of your utilityfunction, which isn't even something I can disagree with, I would not have wanted you going to Hell rather than betraying me."

"I am not, in the end, able, to tell you, that you, chose this wrongly, I just want, to say all this things to you, and make you feel hurt, because you chose it, and the only reason I'm doing that, when I can't tell you the algorithm you should've used to choose differently, is because, wanting you to hurt like that, is one of the last pieces and last wishes left of Keltham, along with a lot of best wishes for you that I am probably not going to act on."

"Save it for colder Keltham.  Possibly for when both of us are INT 29.  You'd need a lot of background, including a lot of material that I had to rederive myself from realizing that Civilization must have hidden it and why they did, to argue with me about the population statistics of Larger Reality."

"I understand, Carissa, that there are many, many senses here, in which what happened to me, was not entirely your fault.  There were, by your own lights, maybe also by mine, worse things that would happen to you, if you refused to play along with Cheliax.  You had options like walking out on Cheliax with me right there at the Worldwound, but you were twisted and warped by things smarter than yourself into not seeing those options, not thinking of them then or maybe even now you haven't thought of them.  There were gods messing with your life.  There were, with great probability, things above gods messing with your life at least a little.  You didn't choose this story, They did."

"It's possible that even if you'd gone to the nearest church of Iomedae right there at the Worldwound, that I would have just found out about the children in Hell, earlier, and been even less prepared for it.  That I'd have augmented my abilitystats the same way for the same reasons, and ended up doing the same kind of damage to my emotions and my, me.  Even if I was taking it slower.  Even if I hadn't been, then, in so much pain.  Even if I hadn't known, yet, the reasons why I shouldn't accept help.  Maybe the worst aspects of this all turn out the same for me, either way."

"The fact remains that you, no matter how forced into it, chose something, that dealt a kind of damage to me that is separate and additional from getting to Golarion and finding out that there were children in Hell, the damage of, daring to trust somebody, of telling yourself that you need to have courage, to fall in love, and finding that courage, and falling in love, and being betrayed in, if not literally the worst possible way, probably a worse way than anybody in the last hundred years of dath ilani history has ever been betrayed."

"It's probably nothing to Golarion.  It probably doesn't compare to a mother slowly watching her child die of sickness, knowing she'll never have the money to resurrect them, never be able to find them in the Boneyard.  It certainly doesn't compare to a single soul going to Hell."

"So you'll never, really, be able to understand the hurt that you dealt, or consider it as something very significant on the scales of your, utilityfunction, apart from what it meant to your emotions, which are just your emotions, and which probably hurt you a lot, but you did it anyways because of your utilityfunction, which isn't even something I can disagree with, I would not have wanted you going to Hell rather than betraying me."

"I am not, in the end, able, to tell you, that you, chose this wrongly, I just want, to say all these things to you, and make you feel hurt, because you chose it, and the only reason I'm doing that, when I can't tell you the algorithm you should've used to choose differently, is because, wanting you to hurt like that, is one of the last pieces and last wishes left of Keltham, along with a lot of best wishes for you that I am probably not going to act on."

"Save it for colder Keltham.  Possibly for when both of us are INT 29.  You'd need a lot of background, including a lot of material that I had to rederive myself from realizing that Civilization must have hidden it and why they did, to argue with me about the population statistics of Larger Reality."

"I understand, Carissa, that there are many, many senses here, in which what happened to me, was not entirely your fault.  There were, by your own lights, maybe also by mine, worse things that would happen to you, if you refused to play along with Cheliax.  You had options like walking out on Cheliax with me right there at the Worldwound, but you were twisted and warped by things smarter than yourself into not seeing those options, not thinking of them then or maybe even now you haven't thought of them.  There were gods messing with your life.  There were, with great probability, things above gods messing with your life at least a little.  You didn't choose this story, They did."

"It's possible that even if you'd gone to the nearest church of Iomedae right there at the Worldwound, that I would have just found out about the children in Hell, earlier, and been even less prepared for it.  That I'd have augmented my abilitystats the same way for the same reasons, and ended up doing the same kind of damage to my emotions and my, me.  Even if I was taking it slower.  Even if I hadn't been, then, in so much pain.  Even if I hadn't known, yet, the reasons why I shouldn't accept help, and somebody had tried to help me make it through.  Maybe the worst aspects of this all turn out the same for me, either way."

"The fact remains that you, no matter how forced into it, chose something, that dealt a kind of damage to me that is separate and additional from getting to Golarion and finding out that there were children in Hell, the damage of, daring to trust somebody, of telling yourself that you need to have courage, to fall in love, and finding that courage, and falling in love, and being betrayed in, if not literally the worst possible way, probably a worse way than anybody in the last hundred years of dath ilani history has ever been betrayed."

"It's probably nothing to Golarion.  It probably doesn't compare to a mother slowly watching her child die of sickness, knowing she'll never have the money to resurrect them, never be able to find them in the Boneyard.  It certainly doesn't compare to a single soul going to Hell."

"So you'll never, really, be able to understand the hurt that you dealt, or consider it as something very significant on the scales of your, utilityfunction, apart from what it meant to your emotions, which are just your emotions, and which probably hurt you a lot, but you did it anyways because of your utilityfunction, which isn't even something I can disagree with, I would not have wanted you going to Hell rather than betraying me."

"I am not, in the end, able, to tell you, that you, chose this wrongly, I just want, to say all these things to you, and make you feel hurt, because you chose it, and the only reason I'm doing that, when I can't tell you the algorithm you should've used to choose differently, is because, wanting you to hurt like that, is one of the last pieces and last wishes left of Keltham, along with a lot of best wishes for you that I am probably not going to act on."