"I - I keep having the sense that -"
Pilar has to remind herself very firmly that Aspexia Rugatonn told her only authorized people are allowed to correct her about matters of faith and Aspexia Rugatonn did not authorize Carissa Sevar.
"I have the sense that it's very dangerous to mess with my wanting to be a good slave and that - it's the thing which makes me, forces me, to have Asmodeus as my god and obey Him - and that there's something - that maybe Keltham would know how to describe, and I don't, if I could only ask him - where it just feels like, trying to do the wrong thing, or arrange things in a way which makes no sense, if you try to put together a Pilar so that she serves Asmodeus first and tries to be a good slave whenever Asmodeus doesn't care."
"I can see, maybe, that there's a way a devil is, where they just obey Asmodeus instead of wanting to be a good slave to Asmodeus, but that - feels like the sort of thing I was told only Hell could do, where they take me apart and put me back together again. Maybe that Pilar doesn't want to be, doesn't feel a need to be a good slave, she just is one."
"I put all that in my report to the Most High this morning -"
"I said that because I didn't like your answer and I'm terrified of your answer and I'm hoping the Most High tells me I don't have to do it like you said and I was trying to, to scare you off, by mentioning that."