Pilar is sharply aware that AlterCheliax Pilar is not being this evasive.  She's going to have to answer, and it seems important not to mislead Keltham here.  Both because he's very likely to catch a lie, and also because he's trying to keep the actual people on the Project safe.  Somehow, she has to stick as closely to the truth as possible...

"I - there was something I wanted more than I wanted to serve Asmodeus, which was - to see my dead mother and my dead sister again - which I was in denial about, because, because the reason I'm supposed to want to be on this Project is to serve Asmodeus and become a better Asmodean - only, they're not going to want to see me, I realize that now, they went to Axis, not Hell, on purpose, and - under circumstances which - are private, but imply - that they probably wouldn't want to see me, unless I gave up Asmodeus and went to Axis with them.  Details private.  But my brain - kept on thinking of ways, over and over, theories, for how I could get them back, and once you explained to me about - how that worked - I could see that none of them would work."

Pilar is sharply aware that AlterCheliax Pilar is not being this evasive.  She's going to have to answer, and it seems important not to mislead Keltham here.  Both because he's very likely to catch a lie, and also because he's trying to keep the actual people on the Project safe.  Somehow, she has to stick as closely to the truth as possible...

"I - there was something I wanted more than I wanted to serve Asmodeus, which was - to see my dead mother and my dead sister again - which I was in denial about, because, because the reason I'm supposed to want to be on this Project is to serve Asmodeus and become a better Asmodean - only, they're not going to want to see me, I realize that now, they went to Axis, not Hell, on purpose, and - under circumstances which - are private, but imply - that they probably wouldn't want to see me, unless I gave up Asmodeus and went to Axis with them.  Details private.  But my brain - kept on thinking of ways, over and over, theories for how I could get them back, and once you explained to me about - how motivated cognition worked - I could see that none of theories could possibly be true -"

"I'm not explaining this well.  The problem at the center wasn't the bad plans I had, it was that - I was lying to myself about what my relationship with my family was really like."

Pilar is sharply aware that AlterCheliax Pilar is not being this evasive.  She's going to have to answer, and it seems important not to mislead Keltham here.  Both because he's very likely to catch a lie, and also because he's trying to keep the actual people on the Project safe using this information.  Somehow, she has to stick as closely to the truth as possible...

"I - there was something I wanted more than I wanted to serve Asmodeus, which was - to see my dead mother and my dead sister again - which I was in denial about, because, because the reason I'm supposed to want to be on this Project is to serve Asmodeus and become a better Asmodean - only, they're not going to want to see me, I realize that now, they went to Axis, not Hell, on purpose, and - under circumstances which - are private, but imply - that they probably wouldn't want to see me, unless I gave up Asmodeus and went to Axis with them.  Details private.  But my brain - kept on thinking of ways, over and over, theories for how I could get them back, and once you explained to me about - how motivated cognition worked - I could see that none of theories could possibly be true -"

"I'm not explaining this well.  The problem at the center wasn't the bad plans I had, it was that - I was lying to myself about what my relationship with my family was really like."

Pilar is sharply aware that AlterCheliax Pilar is not being this evasive.  She's going to have to answer, and it seems important not to mislead Keltham here.  Both because he's very likely to catch a lie, and also because he's trying to keep the actual people on the Project safe using this information.  Somehow, she has to stick as closely to the truth as possible...

"I - there was something I wanted more than I wanted to serve Asmodeus, which was - to see my dead mother and my dead sister again - which I was in denial about, because, because the reason I'm supposed to want to be on this Project is to serve Asmodeus and become a better Asmodean - only, they're not going to want to see me, I realize that now, they went to Axis, not Hell, on purpose, and - under circumstances which - are private, but imply - that they probably wouldn't want to see me, unless I gave up Asmodeus and went to Axis with them.  Details private.  But my brain - kept on thinking of ways, over and over, theories for how I could get them back, and once you explained to me about - how motivated cognition worked - I could see that none of those theories could possibly be true -"

"I'm not explaining this well.  The problem at the center wasn't the bad plans I had, it was that - I was lying to myself about what my relationship with my family was really like."