There's a jumble of horrified thoughts that are allowed to run for long enough that Pilar Pineda can come to appreciate her own folly, her arrogance and overconfidence and disdain in thinking that dath ilani were only weak and that she was ready to learn all they mark as dangerous; for her mind to try suggesting that her mother and sister cannot come before Asmodeus in her heart, because she is a very good Asmodean who does not care for her family, except of course as something she can make use of because of their own naive sentiments which she plays to; and for Pilar to think that if she were a Keeper, she would already know that she was lying to herself about this all along, the one worst error inside her -
- to fear that this crack runs deep enough to split her faith through, fear that as she's never feared any threat to her faith in all her days in Cheliax and only one time in Elysium; but then if not wanting to hurt useless children was enough to shake her faith, then how could this thought not be enough to crack, even if it doesn't crack her faith, what it if cracks her -