"You know, every now and then I realize that another aspect of dath ilani culture is probably some awful side effect of our having an entire world of sadists with no masochists in it.  That one in particular is probably about having a sense of control over another person, in one of the few ways that's possible to do, in a way that makes them still want to be around you, and be benefiting from being around you, in a world where nobody actually wants to submit."

"You know, every now and then I realize that yet another aspect of dath ilani culture is probably - from your standpoint - I guess my standpoint now too - an awful side effect of our having a world of sadists with no masochists.  That gendertrope in particular is probably about having a sense of control over another person, in one of the few ways that's possible to do, in a way that makes them still want to be around you, and be benefiting from being around you, in a world where nobody actually wants to submit."