There is - something dangerous, Keltham thinks, about having a sense of perspective, if too much of it comes on too quickly - there is seeing yourself, and the shadow of everything you've done, from the perspective where it is smaller and stupider - even the parts of you that provided all of your drive and your will and your sense of enjoyment in life, maybe not as ill things in themselves, but arranged stupidly - and with no better way to arrange them being obvious, as yet, because you were only wiser for something less than eight minutes.  Of which you spent half that time practicing spellcasting.

He is - not looking forwards as much, to his date with Carissa tonight, as he was an hour ago - because he's looked back and reflected on himself and on the whole headlong rush forwards that is a defining quality of the self-concept of Mad Investor Chaos and now he is, in fact, thinking thoughts about whether it is really in his own long-term self-interest or yes the interest of a bunch of drowning children that he does care about literally at all even if he wants to be paid for it, to be having sex with his research harem.

Should he actually be hesitant about that?  It doesn't make sense, does it?  He should not, in the face of this shock, have suddenly turned into a standard dath ilani.  He is still himself, he should still have the parts of himself that are hyped for a date with Carissa.  Being hit with a temporary spell should not have changed those internal parts.  And if now his self is in a weird internal state of strife that prevents him from ever having any fun again - then he is pretty sure a Keeper would tell him that this is not the optimal way to get smashed and rearranged by a temporary reflectivity-increasing mind-affecting drug.

There is - something dangerous, Keltham thinks, about having a sense of perspective, if too much of it comes on too quickly - there is seeing yourself, and the shadow of everything you've done, from the perspective where it is smaller and stupider - even the parts of you that provided all of your drive and your will and your sense of enjoyment in life, maybe not as ill things in themselves, but arranged stupidly - and with no better way to arrange them being obvious, as yet, because you were only wiser for something less than eight minutes.  Of which you spent half that time practicing spellcasting.

He is - not looking forwards as much, to his date with Carissa tonight, as he was an hour ago.  Because he's looked back and reflected on himself, and on the whole headlong rush forwards that is a defining quality of the self-concept of Mad Investor Chaos, and now he is, in fact, thinking thoughts about whether it is really in his own long-term self-interest or yes the interest of a bunch of drowning children that he does care about literally at all even if he wants to be paid for it, to be having sex with his research harem as one of his top priorities on his second day in another universe.

Should he actually be hesitant about that?  It doesn't make sense, does it?  He should not, in the face of this shock, have suddenly turned into a standard dath ilani.  He is still himself, he should still have the parts of himself that are hyped for a date with Carissa.  Being hit with a temporary spell should not have changed those internal parts.  And if now his self is in a weird internal state of strife that prevents him from ever having any fun again - then he is pretty sure a Keeper would tell him that this is not the optimal way to get smashed and rearranged by a temporary reflectivity-increasing mind-affecting drug.

There is - something dangerous, Keltham thinks, about having a sense of perspective, if too much of it comes on too quickly - there is seeing yourself, and the shadow of everything you've done, from the perspective where it is smaller and stupider - even the parts of you that provided all of your drive and your will and your sense of enjoyment in life, maybe not as ill things in themselves, but arranged stupidly - and with no better way to arrange them being obvious, as yet, because you were only wiser for something less than eight minutes.  Of which you spent half that time practicing spellcasting.

He is - not looking forwards as much, to his date with Carissa tonight, as he was an hour ago.  Because he's looked back and reflected on himself, and on the whole headlong rush forwards that is a defining quality of the self-concept of Mad Investor Chaos.  And now he is, in fact, thinking questioning thoughts about whether it is really in his own long-term self-interest - or yes the interest of a bunch of drowning children that he does care about literally at all even if he wants to be paid for saving them - to be having sex with his research harem as one of his top priorities on his second day in another universe.

Should he actually be hesitant about that?  It doesn't make sense, does it?  He should not, in the face of this shock, have suddenly turned into a standard dath ilani.  He is still himself, he should still have the parts of himself that are hyped for a date with Carissa.  Being hit with a temporary spell should not have changed those internal parts.  And if now his self is in a weird internal state of strife that prevents him from ever having any fun again - then he is pretty sure a Keeper would tell him that this is not the optimal way to get smashed and rearranged by a temporary reflectivity-increasing mind-affecting drug.

There is - something dangerous, Keltham thinks, about having a sense of perspective, if too much of it comes on too quickly - there is seeing yourself, and the shadow of everything you've done, from the perspective where it is smaller and stupider - even the parts of you that provided all of your drive and your will and your sense of enjoyment in life, maybe not as ill things in themselves, but arranged stupidly - and with no better way to arrange them being obvious, as yet, because you were only wiser for something less than eight minutes.  Of which you spent half that time practicing spellcasting.

He is - not looking forwards as much, to his date with Carissa tonight, as he was an hour ago.  Because he's looked back and reflected on himself, and on the whole headlong rush forwards that is a defining quality of the self-concept of Mad Investor Chaos.  And now he is, in fact, thinking questioning thoughts about whether it is really in his own long-term self-interest - or yes the interest of a bunch of drowning children that he does care about literally at all even if he wants to be paid for saving them - for him to prioritize having sex with his research harem as one of his top goals on his second day in another universe.

Should he actually be hesitant about that?  It doesn't make sense, does it?  He should not, in the face of this shock, have suddenly turned into a standard dath ilani.  He is still himself, he should still have the parts of himself that are hyped for a date with Carissa.  Being hit with a temporary spell should not have changed those internal parts.  And if now his self is in a weird internal state of strife that prevents him from ever having any fun again - then he is pretty sure a Keeper would tell him that this is not the optimal way to get smashed and rearranged by a temporary reflectivity-increasing mind-affecting drug.

There is - something dangerous, Keltham thinks, about having a sense of perspective, if too much of it comes on too quickly - there is seeing yourself, and the shadow of everything you've done, from the perspective where it is smaller and stupider - even the parts of you that provided all of your drive and your will and your sense of enjoyment in life, maybe not as ill things in themselves, but arranged stupidly - and with no better way to arrange them being obvious, as yet, because you were only wiser for something less than eight minutes.  Of which you spent half that time practicing spellcasting.

He is - not looking forwards as much, to his date with Carissa tonight, as he was an hour ago.  Because he's looked back and reflected on himself, and on the whole headlong rush forwards that is a defining quality of Mad Investor Chaos.  And now he is, in fact, thinking questioning thoughts about whether it is really in his own long-term self-interest - or yes the interest of a bunch of drowning children that he does care about literally at all even if he wants to be paid for saving them - for him to prioritize having sex with his research harem as one of his top goals on his second day in another universe.

Should he actually be hesitant about that?  It doesn't make sense, does it?  He should not, in the face of this shock, have suddenly turned into a standard dath ilani.  He is still himself, he should still have the parts of himself that are hyped for a date with Carissa.  Being hit with a temporary spell should not have changed those internal parts.  And if now his self is in a weird internal state of strife that prevents him from ever having any fun again - then he is pretty sure a Keeper would tell him that this is not the optimal way to get smashed and rearranged by a temporary reflectivity-increasing mind-affecting drug.